When in Doubt, Do Something for Others
Friday September 27, 2013
Many years of study and experience has refined my approach to powerfully supporting meaningful and lasting personal and leadership growth for executives. After asking the client to complete 4-6 hours of carefully constructed question in writing; I deliver a two day, high-impact one-on-one experience called The Quantum Leap. Its purpose, in addition to setting the course for a six month coaching engagement, is to assist the client in:
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clearing or completing his or her past of blame, shame, regret, guilt and even past success
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learning how to better tell the truth about current reality
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creating a future freely chosen -- not what parents wanted; society approves of; education limited
Being "in the room" with thousands of people and working with our Seminar Leaders over the years, I've learned that what gets in the way for many people in accomplishing those three purposes could perhaps be best described as "normal neuroses." They are usually hidden away; compartmentalized; and even denied. No matter how they are hidden or placed in our unconscious, they generally limit the possibility of being fully human and effective and seem to plaque many people in developed societies. 
Remember – these are emotionally healthy people who have made a choice to live lives filled with more joy, fulfillment and success. Yet what "stops them" often borders on narcissism – their obsessive focus on their fears, insecurities, judgments of self and others, and their earlier success – their STUFF.
Who I'm NOT talking about here are people who have real mental and emotional problems – the kind for which only professional therapeutic intervention is needed. I'm talking here about me and perhaps a good number of you.
Here's the perhaps more challenging part of this essay: how about me and you? I know that when I'm "stuck," I first experience the embarrassment of realizing that after all these years studying and living this material I still get "stuck." Then I get incredibly creative at making myself right about my unhappiness. I whine, get sick, disappear, make someone else wrong. The embarrassing and unproductive list goes on and on.
I know you have your list – it seems a very human quality. The more successful and enlightened among us are often distinguished by our cleverness in expressing these dysfunctional patterns.
Soooooooooo ..... if you kind of, maybe, perhaps, sometimes, not always but when you're tired or distracted, see just a little, just a smidge, a slight odor of yourself in the above description .... (Did I qualify that enough for your ego protection?) .... then what's a girl or guy to do?
There are two quick and simple and very effective solutions:
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find someone or something else that you can unreservedly SERVE; and
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get into action – DO SOMETHING with the intent to serve
Again and again in our seminars and coaching we've found that the most "stuck" participants, the ones most resistant and most righteous, were totally freed up when we tricked them into simply being "in service" to someone else struggling with their own petty neuroses.
And yes, I said "tricked." It works most times and we do it unashamedly with love and commitment to the participant's higher self, their vision and their mission in life.
Those of us resident in the USA experience Halloween when the goblins at our doors sing out "Trick or Treat." In the case of my coaching solution to dealing with our "stuff," the correct label might be "Trick AND Treat." When you notice that you're hangin' out in your stuff, you don't need my coaching to follow the simple practice of simply looking for someone or something to SERVE and then getting into action immediately.
There are people whose closets need cleaning, shoes need shining, neighbors that could use a hand with a project, communities (and parks!) that could use your loving attention, blood banks to fill (I'm typing this with my brightly colored Bonfils Blood Bank bandage on my arm) and, most of all, people to hold, to feed, to love.
Most importantly – DO IT. Make that call. Get into action. You'll be amazed at how good it makes you feel to just ignore, transcend or just blow by your own stuff. Or, in the immortal words of the Eagles Don Henley, "get over it" and serve.
EXTRAORDINARY LIVING ACTION STEPS
These are simple and not always easy:
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Wake up. Your "stuff" often gets in the way of living the life you want to live ... your extraordinary life.
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Spend no time analyzing your "stuff." It's most often a waste of time and energy and remember, the primary purpose (some say the only purpose) of the mind is to insure the survival of the ego. Your thinking will only encourage you to get more right about your "stuff."
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FIND SOMEONE OR SOMETHING TO SERVE. Without thinking of what's in it for you, give to your friends, your family, your colleagues, your community.
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DO IT NOW.
And, e-mail me anything you learn about you and others in this process – your experiences inspire and motivate me.
Robert White
Robert White is a Speaker, Author, Leadership Trainer and Executive Mentor who teaches the art and science of mastering executive challenges. He specializes in integrating a heart centered, result-oriented and transformational leadership approach to being effective. His experience includes founding and leading companies doing high-impact experiential learning events with over one million graduates.
Robert’s culture change work has been praised by corporations like JPMorganChase, Progressive Insurance, Duke Energy and The American Cancer Society.
Additionally top business experts and authors Ken Blanchard, Jimmy Calano, Kathy Gardarian, and Robert Wright, plus thousands of training and mentoring clients, have endorsed his professional knowledge and skills.
Robert authored the best-seller “Living an Extraordinary Life” available in English and Mandarin. He is a contributing author to “Being Fuller” a compilation from students of Buckminster “Bucky” Fuller and “One World, One People,” a photo journal of mankind’s journey to oneness.
Today you’ll find him speaking at conferences, hosting masterminds, mentoring today’s emerging business leaders and teaching everything he knows about fostering entrepreneurial success and building an entrepreneurial mindset in established, growth-oriented companies.
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